There are so many ways to express yourself. . . your thoughts, your opinions, your feelings. . . that i am constantly amazed that learning how to communicate those thoughts, opinions and feelings is one of those life lessons that i continue to learn as i go through life. Just when i think that i have learned it, WHAM – it hits me again in a slightly different way. . . the same lesson with a different twist to it. i tend to be very passionate and intense about things (anyone who knows me is thinking ‘you got that right’) and my need to communicate and connect with others is enormous. Learning to not only watch what i say, but how i say it, is a lesson that seems to keep finding its way back into my life as the years pass.
When i was younger, i would say ANYTHING to ANYONE at ANYTIME because it was on my mind and i believed it needed to be heard. i did not realize that there was a time for everything, even when i thought that there was some grave injustice being done. My thought was that if something was wrong it needed to be addressed immediately to whatever audience was available. Most of the time, it was the wrong audience at the wrong time. i believe i learned the lesson that ranting and raving to someone who can do absolutely nothing to solve the problem at hand is pointless and that there are proper times and proper channels to go through. i still voice my opinion if i feel there is injustice because i believe that one should stand up for the ideals and beliefs that are important. . .it just has to be done in a more diplomatic way! (and when i say i have “learned” this lesson, i by no means assert that i have perfected it!!)
i also, as most young people do, fell into the “gossip” trap. i learned two things from that: one, gossip is truth stretching at its best. . .ok, most of the time, it is LYING at its best. . .as a way to somehow make yourself feel better about who you are and to somehow feel superior in some way. That feeling of “being better” is artificial because you end walking away knowing that you are a fraud. The second thing i learned is that people with whom you gossip WITH will also gossip about YOU which means that there are rumors being said about you. (additionally, who will trust you if they know you gossip?) Now, that not only hurts others, it eventually hurts you. That is the quick road to loneliness. i quickly learned to stop that and found when you don’t engage in it, gossip does not find you.
As i get older, i have continued to remind myself that not every thought that crosses my mind needs to be shared, no matter what the thought may happen to be. It is hard because I DO tend to be very passionate and intense about things and so many times that intensity or passion can be construed as antagonistic. Part of this ongoing lesson is that i have to learn that everyone interprets things differently and that meanings can be misinterpreted and distorted. Additionally, if someone misunderstands and then REPEATS what has been said, the distortion gets even worse. Unfortunately, people love to repeat things, another lesson that continues to hit me over the head; so putting voice to my thoughts becomes even trickier. What should i say? When should i say it? With whom should i share it? i wish that this one life lesson could be mastered easily. Learning how to communicate is huge part of this lesson. . . the expression of thoughts and feelings without offending and hurting others.
i have struggled my whole life with my own inner demons and the last thing i want to do in my life now is to offend and hurt others. i try to embrace those who support and love me (despite my numerous flaws!) and try to keep those who don’t at a distance. But as any human does, i have opinions, thoughts and emotions. i try to speak things as i see them and if you ask me, i will tell you. i feel that if someone takes the time to get know me and the path i have traveled thus far in life, my ramblings are a bit more understandable and can be seen as coming from the heart. Still though, i need to continually remember that everyone INTERPRETS things differently and that what they HEARD may not have been what i meant. Additionally, people love to talk and knowing who to trust with my opinions, thoughts and emotions may be the hardest lesson yet.
Blessings to all as we continue to travel this journey we call “life”.
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